Bristol Canoe Club Magazine
Summer 2003

Thank you again to everybody who has contributed to this magazine. I apologise for the delay in issuing this magazine, but we now have lots of variety here for you all to read.

The deadline for the next issue will be around 1st October.

Thanks - Conor O’Neill

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Coaching in Romania - David Brain

Trip write-up is here.

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It’s all down-under for the Pitbulls

It has been an interesting year for the Canoe Polo part of the Club. After the success of last year, the Bristol Pitbulls met their nemesis in Division 3. Following a catalogue of difficulties in getting key players to the Div 3 tournament, we failed to stay up and have sadly been demoted back in to Div 4.

Things did get interesting in the last tournament, as we were scheduled to play our archenemies from last year, the Celtic Dragons.  “Sadly” they were unable to raise a team so we missed retribution for their earlier victory. However, rumours abounded during he night that Viking C fielded a player from a higher division. If that had of been the case, their results for two tournaments would have been nullified. Sadly, following an appeal, it was shown that he had not actually played in a higher division all year.

Many thanks to “Sam the Kiwi” for his guest appearance as our International Ringer from Down-Under – pity we couldn’t convince him to settle down in Bristol – what’s wrong with all you single girls in the Club? Then of course we’ve had to say good-bye to Dylan, who has moved jobs and his family to Telford. Not only does that mean we’ve lost one of our most skilful players, but who is going to argue with, and upset Harvey ?????

The League table is listed at the end of this article. [ No, actually it isn’t - Ed]

On the brighter side our demotion means only a 3-mile trip to Kingswood, rather than a 150 miles to Luton.  Then after the tournament, a happy gathering at the Cotham Curry house with the Bristol Pussycats, rather then listening to Harvey snoring around the M25, late on a Saturday night. Since both teams will be playing in Div 4, and some of players have moved on – Dylan emigrating to Telford, Sam off to the big lights of London, and Rob …… well he has just disappeared!!! We have mixed the players up a little, to try and equalise the teams, but encourage some of our newer and youthful players.

So next year the Pitbulls will consist of:

Mark Gillett (Mr Reliable)
Tony Barrass (Mr Stroppy)
Darren Courtnage (Mr Quiet but deadly)
Sam Howlett  (The new whiz kid)
Lee Nicholls (Mr Swimmer)
Simon Reid (Mr Nice Guy)
And if they appear back in Bristol…Rob Hignell (The invisible Paddler) and Simon Curtis (The Graduate)

I’ll leave Lisa to update you on the Pussycats.

Finally, if you interested in playing Polo, it is great fun, and if you can through a ball more than 6 metre you’ll probably be our best player!!!!!

See you in the pool in September.

Mark Gillett

(Tel Number deleted) (if you want further information on Club Polo)

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NEW MEMBERS

Are we vetting new applications carefully enough?

The following photos are of a recent member who as joined as a male. Please helps us decide by voting in the following poll:

IS BALDRICK A BOY OR A GIRL ?

BOY

GIRL

Please circle and return to the editor...

[ I did have a couple of slightly dodgy photos here, but now removed from the web version, because of unsavoury connotations. - Ed. ] 

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Anagrams

These anagrams were shamelessly stolen from Reading Canoe Club's web page [ but I later got permission anyway - ed ] :

www.reading-canoe.org.uk

Rearranging the letters of 'World Class Potential' gives:
Well crap sods in total.
Cows patrol installed
Lord allows pittances
Well! Sod! total in craps
Clowns total sad peril

Rearranging the letters of 'GB Marathon Team Selectors' gives:
The macabre monsters gloat
Large reattachment bosoms
Altogether entomb sarcasm
Bottoms emerge charlatans
Regrettable stomach moans
Abnormal cheaters get most

Rearranging the letters of 'BCU Marathon Committee' gives:
Them communicate?  Abort!
Bet: communicate to harm
Combat human, emetic rot
Mature bottom mechanic

Rearranging the letters of 'Marathon Committee' gives:
The aromatic moment
I'm not a charm to meet

Rearranging the letters of 'BCU Sprint Racing Committee' gives:
Emetic cramps contributing
Bog mimics current pittance
Manic bigot cretin crumpets
Isn't it egocentric bum cramp?
Circumspect men aborting it

Rearranging the letters of 'Sprint Racing Committee' gives:
I'm protecting miscreant (my favourite!)
I'm grim spit concentrate
Protects manic germ in it

Rearranging the letters of 'Performance Director' gives:
Accept informed error
Creep or confirmed rat
Crap! freedom or cretin
Forced, manic reporter
Farce imported corner
Creep daft moron crier
Preferred moronic cat
From a decrepit corner
Fart creep cried moron
Farce creep moron dirt
Ferreted moronic crap
Camp or fiercer rodent

Rearranging the letters of 'British Canoe Union' gives:
Curse It! Oh No! in a bin
Boo! in nine haircuts
Ouch! snob in inertia

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Caught in the Rip

May bank holiday saw probably the poorest turn out for a club trip...though the weather was wet and windy, and the surf not that great, the venue being Woolacombe.

On the Saturday the surf was small and blown out, so no point in getting cold and wet for nothing. However the more entertaining day was the Sunday. The weather was still windy, but the surf was quite a bit better, so the decision was made to get in.

Seeing how windy it was and how strong the rip was, Lisa Fitzsimons and myself got in near to the stream that flows out onto the beach. I paddled out, and caught a sweet wave in, managing a couple of flat spins on the way in, passing Lisa as I went (The S6 spins a treat, and if you get one, you to could join the S-club section of the club to - applications available from Tony, John Leopold or myself). Having just been off work for 3 weeks with glandular fever, I was nackered, so sat in near to the beach, waiting for Lisa to surf in and get out because we were getting too close to the rocks.

Lisa attempted to get on a wave, which dumped onto her, popping her deck, that was not meant for the boat she was in...so a swim followed (fish of the year award perhaps!). I paddled out, as Lisa started to try swimming back in. By the time I got to her she was still in the same place. I grabbed her boat as she continued trying to swim on, half emptied it, then tried paddling into the shore with it attached to my cows tail, against the rip. The surfers paddling past oblivious to the fact that we could maybe do with a hand. After a couple of minutes going backwards in the rip while trying to go forward, we weren't going where we wanted to be, so the decision was made to do a deep water rescue. After emptying the rest of the contents of the boat, I grabbed both sets of paddles, and braced the boat as Lisa clambered back in. Just as she got in, another wave broke on us and she was in the water again. By this time, we had been pushed around the headland by the rip, and were about 5m from the rocks...Oh what a lovely sight, with 4ft waves breaking on you! Paddling this close to the rocks without paddles and with a swimmer is not a good experience…in fact it's one of those touching cloth experiences.

I grabbed the nearest paddles and we decided the only option left was to go for the rocks...so on the next wave we somehow controlled ourselves onto the rocks. Lisa clinging onto the rocks, and me just about pivoting on the edge of them, still in the boat thinking "sh*t the next wave will really f*ck me up". As the next wave came in Lisa managed to get out of the way, and I washed over the outcrop into a pool behind, where I got out like sh*t off a shovel, as the wash came in from the next wave!

Lisa pulled herself out somehow, and her boat washed up into a rock pool, where we recovered it and emptied it. My paddles (well John Leopolds spare set I was borrowing) were still in the water being washed around into the next little inlet. While Lisa kept an eye on where the paddles were, I stumbled out across the rocks, which is not the easiest thing to do with a boat and paddles. As I reached a 3ish metre vertical climb the coast guard appeared and asked if we were okay - Hmm, let me see...We've been trying to get out for about 45 minutes, we've paddled against the rip for a while, found out that a deep water rescue in the surf is just crap (but you'll try anything when your caught in the rip, trying to avoid rock splats), we've surfed in onto the rocks, now I'm rock climbing with a f*cking boat and set of paddles, over sharp rocks, and halfway up a 3m vertical climb with the thing on my shoulder...what do you think, bright spark?, but hey…just f*** off because we’re out now.

I climbed up, and they asked if my friend needed some help. I explained she was just watching my paddles being washed around (won't tell you about the rocks they were hitting because John might read this), and they offered to go and help her carry her boat back. I said I'd go, but they were already on their way. They helped Lisa carry the boat out, which was totally unnecessary. When they got back, they took our names, addresses and ages...and asked Lisa the reason she'd gotten into trouble, to which she replied that the deck had popped. When I was asked, I just replied that I was the one helping out, didn't get rescued and walked myself out. They then said that they were watching a surfer who had been in the rip for about an hour, who was looking tired, and that the lifeboat was on the way to get him, and they had noticed that we might be in trouble. Ten minutes later he was in the lifeboat, with another 3 or 4 surfers who had been caught out by the rip. The beach was later closed to surfers from the water inlet to the headland, and the one surfer who'd been in the rip the longest was airlifted from the lifeboat to the rescue helicopter.

The paddles, though battered and bruised were recovered from the next little inlet, lying there on the small beach...though not as bruised and cut as Lisa was. Despite what was in effect rock splatting, a bruised hip and the small cuts to her hands were a small price to pay for what could have been a lot more serious. 

We then went back to the car and bumped into Mark Gillett, who said "The coast guard aren't out for you two are they?"...we just laughed and said "nearly!". Thanks to Mark for spreading the rumour and distorting the truth slightly...and for basically telling everyone.

Dominic Morgan.

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The electronic Canoe club

A reminder that the club has a web page at http://www.bristolcanoeclub.org.uk.

This has some general information about the club, the latest programme, and various reports and photos. It also has some of the old copies of the club magazine.

We have a mailing list for discussion about the club. This normally gets around 2 or 3 messages per week. If you'd like to be on this list, or if you thought you were on the list but never receive any message, please send me an email at [ old email address now removed ], and I will sort this out for you.

Please note - some of you have hotmail email accounts, and this is often set to junk spam email, and any email it thinks is spam. Please check that hotmail isn't deciding that the club messages are junk and deleting them...

Conor

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Rolling competition

Held at the pool on 26/3/2003. All times for three rolls, in seconds.

Paddle rolling

1 Tony Barrass 7.14
2 Dominic Morgan 7.20
3 Robin Wilson 7.28
4 Dylan Tomlinson 7.32
5 Conor O'Neill 7.76
6 Richard Puttock 8.20
7 Mackey 8.28
8 Lisa Fitzsimons 8.51
9 Lisa Gunton 9.14
10 Baldrick 9.33
11 Simon Reid 10.03
12 John Stansfield 11.02
13 Teresa Treasure 13.41
14 Mathew Jones 13.58
 

Hand rolling

1 Tony Barrass 6.01
2 Robin Wilson 6.97
3 Simon Reid 7.76
4 Lisa Gunton 9.47
 

Many thanks to everyone who took part - a good turnout. - Conor

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Norway 2003

12 people went to Norway in July 2003, and we all made it back. Excellent paddling, excellent weather, excellent place. Very many thanks to Tony for organising it all.

I haven’t had any time to write up any article yet (though we did keep a daily ‘diary’ while we were there) , so you’ll have to wait until the next issue. But I have put in loads of sample photos to give you a glimpse of what it was like.

Conor

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Club marathon

Many thanks to Steve Bennett for running the club marathon in June. I have placed the full (very detailed) set of results on the club web page - go to the ‘marathon’ section here.